Recently I sat in church and listened to some teaching on submission. I both agreed and disagreed with it. What really grated me was when the women teaching said even if your husband is not in God's will, you are to submit to him and she appropriately cited 1 Peter 3:1-7 (and I'm not saying she is wrong!) It just hit home because I lived in that situation for so long.
"wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,"
I agree with this wholeheartedly with the instruction, but the tension is still there. I feel like Jacob at the river of Jabbok wrestling with God. The bible is full of paradoxes, I don't agree that we are cookie cutter followers and I do think God deals with each of us individually. God's Word has so much paradox in it he invites us to question him, to wrestle with him...to have this ongoing conversation with him. I wasn't completely sold on the counsel I heard. here's one reason for my struggle:
1. The woman teaching has a husband who loves Christ and a family who was put together the way God intended for families to be made...stable, well as stable as you can be as a family living on earth. I'm not saying her husband and father are perfect and they don't struggle...I'm quite certain they do. But its hard in my position to take advice from someone who hasn't walked in my shoes. As the saying goes " A person with experience will never be at the mercy of someone with an opinion". Theres only one who has walked in my shoes, Jesus, so he's my counselor on this topic.
I grew up fatherless and broken and ended up in foul marriages...with rotten foundations (yes plural...marriages). I know that when I became a believer God held me in my second marriage and worked to mold me to His image...I worked at it, but in the end i failed, miserably (and His grace surrounded me when I called His name). I had no desire or respect left for my husband, my children witnessed a grossly upside down model of what a wife and husband should be. When you grow up with no model of what a good husband looks like, you end up grasping at straws and picking men for all the wrong reasons. In some cases, the absolutely worst men are completely transformed and made new, I've seen it with my own eyes...it is AMAZING...HGTV got nothin when compared to this rehab. But for me...in my situation, God was doing something different, ..He was calling me to divorce....to tear down my rotting foundation and build it differently.
She did speak to husbands who do crimes instructing women to turn their husbands in to the authorities and not continue to be abused. But she thought that many women may antagonize their husbands then cry abuse when they provoke it. That may be true in many cases today. But, I know thats not true for every woman. There are women who sit quietly and listen to these teachings, and read their bibles and struggle endlessly because they go home and live with a man who not only doesn't strive to follow Christ, but mocks her emotionally, fails her provisionally, sets up cycles of unrighteousness for her children..... this spans years, sometimes the children are born and raised through it all. Then there are other husbands who don't know Christ but still display Christlike traits in their marriage...could it be that it was modeled to them?...and I say Hallelujah and high five to those men out there.
She goes on to say that we are to submit to our employers, governments, church leaders, worldly institutions...agreed on all of it, BUT there are moments in history where the government, the church, the institution steps out of line with Gods will and makes it their own will, similar to the husband of the wife I mention above. What would that look like if throughout history, God didn't call this people against unrighteousness but instead called them to absolute submission.
Case in point #1- Martin Luther vs. the Catholic church...http://www.biblestudytools.com/history/creeds-confessions/luther-95-theses.html
If Martin completely submitted instead of rebelling to the church, I likely would not be able to express my thoughts in this blog so freely today. Should Luther rather have submitted to the church but prayed silently the church would recognize their shortcomings and turn back to God?
Case in point #2- The Separatists movement away from the Church of England, which ultimately led them to America to practice Christianity worshiping in Spirit and truth rather than to the King of England, ultimately leading them to pilgrimage (Pilgrims) in the freest country on earth, the USA. Should the Separatists bowed to the King and prayed silently for his inward conversion?
#3-Revolt against Hitler- do I have to go any further?
I could go on forever about the wrongs of earthly institutions and God causing people to rise up to those injustices and using their rebellion for good. Could it be he does the same for women in oppressive marriages. When he says
"The wise will be put to shame; they will be dismayed and trapped. Since they have rejected the word of the LORD, what kind of wisdom do they have?
Therefore I will give their wives to other men and their fields to new owners. From the least to the greatest, all are greedy for gain; prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit.
Jeremiah 8:9-11
In my life God called me out of my second marriage. Some in the church would never agree with this, but I know my Shepherds voice. Its the same Shepherd who now calls me to show mercy and forgiveness and asks me to pray for my second husband who would perceive me as his enemy. He calls me to take the high road always, to seek justice and goodness. Is it possible God could bless me and women like me as he blessed our nation, as he blessed Protestants, or is he forever angry with us, reminding us of our failure to submit despite circumstances? That's not the Shepard I know, my Shepherd doesn't sling rocks from yesterday to shame me, He actively works with me now to mold me, he for sure uses my life experiences and my shortcomings to change me, but not to shame me...to give me hope and a future.
So while God calls us to submission, there are times when he calls us to stand up and fight for justice against institutions...marriage, governments and employers, ALWAYS seeking His wisdom and counsel as we trek through it. His purpose is Good, always.
other verses on submission:
Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV /
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
1 Peter 3:1-22 ESV /
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
Genesis 3:16 ESV /
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV /
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
