Mammogram passports

I had to get my mammogram this afternoon. I was going to take some selfies of my boobs in the pancake press with my mammogram passport card next to my hysterically happy, freakishly too gleeful face for such an occasion; but to my dismay, there was no “I got my mammogram” card supplied to me to shove in your faces and prove what an exceptionally good person I am....a hero some might say. Y’all will just have to take my word for it. 

 I’ve now saved humanity with my mammogram. 

 Why did I do it?? Because I truly love people, unlike 50% of the population who refuse to get a mammogram- those awful deplorable creatures we call “men”. I can assure you, my sacrifice had nothing to do with personal reasons for my own health, but truly my gift to the world...I’m just that much better than you. 

 On my way in I grabbed a paper medical mask, held it against my breathing hole and said “hello” to the receptionist man. He told me I must strap it all the way behind my ears...”what if I have a medical exemption?” I wondered allowed. “oh, -and have you heard the cdc news today?” I asked before I’d securely placed the paper loops around my ears. He told me they don’t allow for medical exemptions ....tough crowd. I obliged and strapped the paper to my face - around my ears- and sat down to check in with the kind woman in the tiny cubicle facing us. My glasses immediately fogged up as the check in lady directly across from me asked me how I was doing. “Well I can’t breathe or see anything” I muffled from behind the paper mask and now thoroughly fogged up spectacles .The lady started hysterically laughing , I lowered the mask below my nose to catch a breath and took off my glasses. She didn’t mind at all, she was still laughing too hard. The receptionist man a few feet away was not laughing, he was calling in security.

 I was sent to the mammogram waiting area within view while the security guard and receptionist man curiously looked in my direction...as I’d slip my mask off now and again to drink my coffee and breathe. The receptionist man whispering his concerns over me to the clearly “tired of all of this” security guard. Soon after, the mammogram woman saved me from my impending arrest? Honestly, the security guard seemed more bothered by the receptionist man complaining about me than he did about my imperfectly worn mask sitting literally in the middle of nobody.

 The mammogram woman was awesome, she didn’t seem to give a hoot about my mask. I did ask if I was permitted to breathe. Thankfully she allowed me , a grown woman, to breathe without my nose being restricted so I wouldn’t pass out during my mammogram. I just thought you all should know. You can thank me next time you see me...if you don’t thank me, don’t worry... I’ll make sure it’s the first thing I tell you in case you forget...”ahem...I just had my mammogram...I did it for you....you’re welcome.” Perhaps I will inspire all those selfish men out there to get their own mammograms.

A Term of Endearment

I’ve come to realize my own modern equivalent to the mantra old timers would tell me as a youth in the 1980s...”Kid, when I was your age, I had to walk 8 miles to school in the snow with bread bags over my shoes...both ways!” 

What do I tell the youth today as the current old lady of 2021 that would shock them??

 “Kid, when I was your age, I called my best friend a spaghetti eating Dago Wop....and then she’d turn around and call me a greedy dirty tent dwelling Jew. 

Then we both laughed our heads off and weren’t offended.” ......The “good old days “ when we could all laugh at ourselves and each other without fear of being cancelled by the earth. Making fun of each other used to be a term of endearment. You think that concept would even compute in the mind of our youth today?

The Saints Will Judge the World

We’ve had a trying last seven days in the Stuppy household. There was something the Lord was trying to tell me. It started with a bible study last Sunday that touched on this verse:

 “Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases?” 1 Corinthians 6:2

 It’s the first line in this scripture that caught me: . “The saints will judge the world”.... 

There’s biblical evidence that Gods people will reign with Christ in a millennial Kingdom ON earth. It’s some far out unfulfilled prophecy that I’ve not heard many churches preach on...but it’s there. Believers will “judge” the earth. Now there are really great teachers out there that can expand on the millennial Kingdom prophecy ..that’s not what I’m going to do here ...instead, I’m going to walk you through what happened when THIS verse really grabbed me Sunday and how I knew God was trying to teach me something.

 Sunday morning - this verse stood out among everything and I kept pondering it. 

Sunday afternoon- a very dramatic call was made to me where I had to weigh a VERY difficult decision. I mulled it over, I prayed over it . I reached out to other believers for counsel. I considered my motives, had other believers talk through my motives with me. I made a decision, thinking it was right...but still knowing that in the end , other people affected may either understand my decision, or be upset with me over it. But the decision was given to me to make...and I couldn’t avoid it or get out of making a decision. So I made a judgement call. 

 Later that night I brought this verse up again jokingly to my small group because we were talking about our own sin struggles with judging other people...past and present. I jokingly referenced this same verse like, “hey, it's all good, one day God will put you in a position to be a judge”. 

I still kept pondering it all.

 A few days later , I was writing Zoe who has always struggled with the weightiness of making decisions. In a nutshell, she doesn't like making decisions. I always tell her “ You don’t have to figure out the answer to everything  today...just do the thing God has right in front of you on this day. Work on THAT decision. It’s those little steps of obedience. She has had some really awesome success getting this concept. 

So writing this letter to her this week about this verse and how God continually gives us these hard decisions to make...that it’s for a purpose. It occurred to me  that we're all being trained in this life...there are perpetual opportunities for us to do homework, if you will. A test of our judgement. A chance to make better judgements. And it’s doesn't end as long as we have breath in our lungs. Sometimes we get it right, and sometimes, meh...not so much....ALL OF US. But the Lord doesn’t leave us there. Even if we fail, he sends us another matter to weigh, more homework to practice. It’s a gift. He’s hopeful we’ll eventually get it right. He’s hopeful , even when we get it wrong...He always gives us more trials to endure...more matters to weigh, more steps of obedience to take. He’s forming judges and His people to reign with Him.  He is the Teacher, we are the students. Pay attention, class is in session!

 I'm trying to explain to Zoe that it’s okay if she’s failed, failures don’t define us...God is graceful with us and gives us more opportunities. As I’m writing this all, I look over to see our new puppy pooped on the kitchen floor. I walk over,  pick up the poop...put her paw on the back door bell hanging from the door ...carry her and her poop outside to the place she’s supposed to poop and  hope she gets it right next time . We still love her, even though she keeps pooping in the house...we’re still hopeful she’ll eventually stop pooping in the house one day. We’re training her to get it right. One day at a time. Let God form you, small steps of obedience friends. Even WHEN( not if) you fail...get up and try it again. The Lord has a future for you. Just try and get the correction, don't poop on the floor forever...that's no good.

 The day I wrote that letter to Zoe and then explained it all to both a friend and my husband...that SAME night..I took the boys to youth group. On the way to youth group,  at 6 pm, my  radio started playing a sermon on the the radio dial  set from the prior day.  The pastor had just begun, and his words will filling my car. He started with that SAME passage about the "saints judging the earth", then  proceeded to give an entire sermon on this exact issue. I’ve never even heard a pastor preach on this scripture before...but imagine that...there it was. That’s a wink from my God. Message received 🙂

Social Media Modesty

Girls, we get it...you’re pretty. You don’t have to dress skanky with your boobs on a platter to show off your “cooking skills” or “your cute dog” on social media . If you have a sexy photo shoot...cool! Save them for your husband?? Your future romantic partner?? Your mother?? ...or maybe even your girl friends who come over and drink wine with you ? I don’t need to see it. Your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, old bosses , prolly don’t want to see you with your pants off and sultry cleavage on display like you’re a window Hooker in Amsterdam. You look great, you don’t need the affirmation from us. You’re worth more than that! Y’all really want a bunch of pervy guys sitting in their bathrooms on the toilet ogling over your skanky pictures??

 I don’t know if it’s the new gold chains holding up my readers or what, but I feel empowered suddenly to go full commando with unsolicited advice! I’m not 65 yet, but man am I feeling wise!!! Y’all got to get these spectacle chains! Not sorry, someone needed to say it!

Library rules

I walked in the library with Darby today wearing my clear face mask- I like to wear it so he can read my lips- he’s got pretty significant hearing loss. 

 Those librarians rushed me from so many angles, you would have thought I came in topless. For a moment I felt like a necked field streaker at the Super Bowl. Literally three different librarians came rushing at me from three  different directions over my clear face mask, with their “appropriate” face coverage in hand ready to slap over my face. 

For a split second, I considered  outmaneuvering all three of them , gallantly streaking across the entire library floor, past the biographies, straight through fiction, before I’d escape out the back door jumping in my getaway minivan. But I kindly spared Darby the humiliation and let him just stroll through the library without me as I walked out the door , lol. He still needed a ride home after all.