okay, so heres my all over the place random thoughts without editing, lol. probably wont flow very well, but thats okay!...
So, my initial reaction to the video was the pretty typical and intended response: how awful for her and her daughter to endure such treatment solely based on her skin color. I thought it was interesting that she pulled her daughters emotional disturbance into the story throughout the story. Then I just sat and thought about it for awhile...how would I have handled the situation with the life experiences I've had? What life lesson would I want my own children to learn from such an experience if they were with me? We cant change what other people do, we can only change how we respond to situations. I started thinking about my years waitressing as a single parent with two young kids. One of the biggest shifts I went through as a waitress was knowing that when people came to my section in really bad moods and were really vile towards me, my first several years I just wrote them off as assholes. Then I realized I had no idea what was happening in their lives, maybe their dog died that morning, maybe their wife had just left them, maybe they just lost their job, maybe they really were just assholes. Regardless, i chose to not be offended, ever....by the way a person treated me, it was their problem, not mine. I want my kids to know that when they're treated poorly.
So I started thinking about this strawberry blonde cashier in Dr. Degruys story, I so wished we'd had her side of the story. Perhaps a woman frequented the store who looked like Dr. Degruy that had written bounced checks and the girl thought she was the woman, or perhaps she really was just a horrid racist. We dont know, because we never hear her side of the story. And the takeaway is that we all just assume shes a horrid racist including Dr. Degruys young traumatized daughter. I wasn't with Dr. Degruy and her daughter in the aftermath of this incident, but I imagine her mother never said to her, its possible there's a woman who looks like me who has been writing bad checks in town and perhaps they think I'm her! Little daughter of mine, its possible shes just a racist, and its possible I look like a lady who writes bounced checks, either way its her problem, we choose how we respond to her. Do we get angry and upset? or do we respond with love. I'd want my kids to respond with love....but thats just me.
Over the years, as a Jewish believer I've heard all sorts of antisemitic things from gentiles. Ive always used them as teaching moments. I worked with a guy who told me that all Jews were evil because the Jews killed Jesus, I never got mad, I was excited to be able to share with him that we all killed Jesus, him included...it was our sin that sent Jesus to the cross, and he went there willingly! The love of Christ has allowed me to change how I respond to all things.
I was once fired from a job because a gal who looks just like me from Grand Haven was out at the bars while I was home sick with mono. My manager saw her and thought she was me (the one who hadnt been to work in two weeks). I was fired, and no amount of explanation would do. Id actually met the gal once, she had long dark hair, she was white, about my height. Actually a guy i dated years ago had even dated her in high school!
In Dr. Degruys situation, I would have wanted to take that cashier out for coffee , maybe since Im just that way, I would have wanted to know why she was so cold towards me... did she indeed just have a negative suspicious attitude towards people of color, and why? what were her experiences with black folks, did she think i would write a bad check simply because I was black? Think of how much more awesome this story could have ended if she just talked to the strawberry blonde girl over a beer, or some coffee and conversed about these things, i bet they all could have learned some things.
Around the turn of the millennium, I used to pick up shifts at the muskegon applebees when they were short staffed. As a white waitress in a pretty mixed area of muskegon, the majority of black patrons (at least during that time in that area, i don't know how it is today) but, i would get stiffed on nearly 95% of my tables where my patrons were black, and they more often than not treated me like shit. They would tip my coworkers who were black, but never the white wait staff. I was raising two kids on a single income with no child support and zero family around at the time. I was actually working two waitressing jobs just to pay my rent and feed my kids. I was still a democrat at the time and I justified their racism towards me because of oppression they must have faced from actual racists over the years, imagine if Id made a video and told my kids about the racism I experienced in Muskegon. they would have grown up believing any poor treatment towards them was simply because they were white. I never did that. But I did quit subbing there. generally all waitresses get stiffed from time to time from people of all different ethnicities. I worked with a few other black waitresses in other restaurants as well, so i was always curious to know if they experienced rampant stiffing by white folks driven by racism....they didn't. it was predominantly a black patron to white server phenomenon. why do you think that is? Do you think its okay? should the black patrons who tipped me apologize for other black patrons who don't? I don't believe they should.
I remember a few years ago, Michelle Obama was being interviewed and she talked about her personal experience with racism. She told a story about being at target store where an elderly white woman asked her to reach a box of detergent for her on a high shelf. She believed she only asked her because she was black, and didn't this woman realize who she was?!, even as the first lady, she was still being reduced to the help. I thought about how many times in my life I've been asked to get stuff off shelves at the stores for short women, especially older women..usually I offer, I don't wait for them to ask! it never occurred to Michelle Obama, that she was being asked because she was tall, she automatically attributed it to racism.
Racism still exists today, in many forms and against many different colors of people. I think white folks have come a LONG ways! Did you know that KKK membership in the 1920s exceeded 4 millions people nationwide?! Today, the SLPC (who I believe is highly discredited) estimates their numbers to be around 4k...and i think they're being generous just by the nature of the slpc groups history. Racism is a sin problem! Slavery is a sin problem!
In our own country, one of the bloodiest battles was fought to END slavery. Slavery in the usa existed predominantly in the south by a small percentage of people...predominantly white people, but did you know that American Indians and black people also owned slaves? Heres a snopes list with some interesting things you can further research on your own...http://www.snopes.com/facts-about-slavery/
Approximately 330k white folks died fighting against the confederates and slavery in the south (about 30k black union soldiers also!) In American history, we have people who enslaved people, and people who died to put an end to slavery. We have people who have been horrid racists, and people who have fought and spoken out against racism. My own family came here in the late 1800's from Germany to escape increasing antisemitism. We never owned slaves, and hadnt been slaves since bablyonian times. I think its somewhat disingenuous for me to apologize to black folks just because my skin has less melanin. Wouldnt they rather have an apology from a person who was racist and had an actual heart change? Is it racism to assume Im a racist because of the color of my skin?
If I was mistreated by a man, should another man come along and apologize for the way someone else treated me? I'm divorced, is it Jeffs job to right the wrongs my former husband committed against me? I can see how people who apologize on behalf of others are just trying to be nice, but what is really meaningful is when the actual perpetrator of the sin actually apologizes. That actually means something, wouldn't you say?
In the history of the world, North africans enslaved more than a million europeans (1500's- 1700's), Jews were enslaved by the egyptians and the babylonians, the chinese enslaved the koreans, the japanese enslaved the chineses, russians enslaved their neighbors, and muslims have enslaved everyone. Slavery is a horrid practice that the entire human race shares some guilt in. It is a sin problem, not a skin problem.
I love your heart Sherri! I love that you are not a racist! And I love that you are seeking ways to heal the chasm of divides the culture seems to face more and more with each passing day. And I'm beyond thankful that you already know the cure is Christ. Christ is the pinnacle, "for in Him, we move and live and have our being" every one of us, of every color, of every nation, He is the cure and THE reconciler of all things, HE alone makes us family. I am blown away by the reconciliation I see in Christ, I have sisters and brothers from every nation, with every skin color, from every sort of previous religious or nonreligious background, and our minds are in unison because of the spirit of Christ alone! There is no racism in the true church of believers. Have you ever visited Brooklyn Tabernacle in NY? Such a beautiful picture of what heaven will be like, all colors, all nations, singing to the Glory of God! And this little strawberry blonde cashier? its for her too, if she repents of sin and accepts His love, its for all my mean patrons black and white that treated their servers so poorly, if they repent of their sin, its for every criminal, and every lawbreaker out there who repents and turns to God in faith, for every terrorist who repents and turns to God in faith, for every kkk member or violent blm protester who repents and turns to God in faith, what an amazing amazing amazing amazing thing.
