With Wings

I jumped...well, I filed my divorce papers and I'm terrified and excited at the same time. Mike is on a new journey too, with God! I am so proud of him and it's so beautiful to watch him walk this new path...praying for the best God has to give him :)
My darkness has been flooded with light...thankyou Lord for bringing the light! I just need to keep moving forward...one foot in front of the other....i dont know what its going to look like but i know your will is Good.

walking in the dark

Even though I know the light is better, sometimes I choose to walk in the dark. I can be such a silly wayward girl. There's a bumper sticker on a car at my boys daycare that reads "there is no greater sin than ignorance". I couldn't disagree more...the greatest sin is when you know the truth, you've walked in the light, then you choose to hide in the dark, like you think God won't notice you. Every time I do it, I find myself crying out to the Lord to pick me up. The dark is a weary lonely place and when we're in it, we miss the beauty around us.
I had a night where I was out walking...in the dark....I was tired and heavy hearted and just started calling out for his light and repenting of my own foolishness. The Lord sent someone on a bicycle with a bright spot light fastened to the front of his bike...right past me...I just smiled and marveled about how He uses everything....this man on the bike was him moving ahead of me...with a light! he was getting farther and farther ahead of me and I prayed Lord, how can I keep up with you?? you're moving too far ahead of me. At that moment, the man...on the bike..with the light...he stopped. He stopped for a minute, went across the street to his house with the brightest flood lights my eyes have ever seen and he parked his bike. There's hope :)

Abba daddy

Cause my daddy's the King of the universe...well that makes me a princess; and worthy of a prince.

New life

renewed, sanctified.... what a beautiful beautiful life. I love this journey and everywhere it takes me.

sick Cooper

God allows our babies to be sick cause there's something so so sweet about a sick feverish four year old who just wants to cuddle with his mama until he feels better.

praying

Praying for wings Lord and a future umbrella...one of those dope ones I've been seeing all around, full protection. Thanks for being my Abba daddy and showing me what grace and love is really all about. Help me to dish it out to others like you do for me.

Miles 2011 summer

Miles has been hanging out at the airport all week...he almost got to ride in a plane the other day but rushed home to ask me and it was too late. I love that he's pursuing his dreams...today he asked them for a job...to be continued.

Earlier this summer I encouraged him to get a job pulling weed instead of playing video games. He really wanted to use the lawn tractor to cut grass but I wasn't playing along with that idea....I like him having all his limbs and such ya know.

So one day he goes down Indian trails road and finds a woman outside with a house on the bayou and asks her if she needs help in her yard. She asks "whats your rate?" and he replies "My mom told me not to worry about the money, just to be a hard worker and that people can pay me on how hard I work". She just fell head over heels for that and put him to work. Her name is Brenda. Brenda said Miles lasted 17 minutes on day 1. He did however come back the next day and work for a few hours pulling weeds from her beach...well he half pulled weeds and half played with her doberman. But he did finish the job over the course of 9 days and earned $35...big money when you're 10. I'm so proud of him.

This week he decided he wants to do ROTC at WMU, study aviation and work as an officer in the airforce...he says they make $32,000 a year and he figures thats really good money since his housing will be covered and they have housing for families :) Always planning his future, I love it.

parenting

Cooper randomly likes to yell out things like "penis"! or..."butthole"! He thinks its hilarious. No matter how hard I try to ignore it trying not to even give him an ounce of negative attention which therapists say kids willfully shoot for just as much as the positive...he still does it and laughs hysterically.

This morning he yelled at me .."YOU ARE A PEANUT BUTTER FACE"! I was like, what does that even mean buddy?. Then he yelled "IT'S PEANUT BUTTER TIME"! Okay, right...that totally makes sense.

Last week, Darby told me I was pretty when I was getting ready for work in the morning :) He is so in love with me, i know it won't last forever so I'll cherish it right now. His hugs last for minutes every morning when we go to kids court, I'm late everyday to work because of them...and I don't care. Sometimes he gets mad at me if I don't hug Cooper before I go...and Cooper could care less, at least right now...they may completely swap personalities in a month or so, its happened before.

Step 1

I'm at that point again, you know the one where you're stepping off a cliff and trusting God will catch you before you splatter at the bottom of the canyon floor? Its equally the scariest and most exciting place to be...the place where I put my entire life into the hands of the one who molded me. Please catch me Jesus.

"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint"
~Isaiah 40:31

I'll give my life to receive it. You have proved your faithfulness time and time again....and I trust your plans are good, forgive me for knowing these things about you and still feeling scared. Lord, replace my anxiety with courage and give me wings...you can do anything. Strengthen me to be the mother and provider of my children no matter how overwhelming that job title is...fill me with mercy and compassion for them and the strength the discipline and nurture them ...keep me patient and humble. I want to be formed to you and I feel like my measurements don't fit the mold...circumcise me Lord and bring me back!!!

I was baptized with your holy spirit 4 years ago...today I was baptized with water. I am committed to you Lord even though I stumble and fall...you're the one I want...the only one who can satisfy my thirst and sustain my life.

Lord, I'm praying for help at work, can I petition you to fill the vacancy and bless me with a partner who I have compatibility with? Lord, a friend to work alongside with and encourage?...a chance to testify to your great name?...and the chance to get back to working a 40 hour work week instead of this 70 hour deal that is overwhelming me and taking me away from my home where I'm needed. Forgive me for treating my home as a "second job"...I know my children are only second to you and you put them first.. Lord, pour your blessing on my life abundantly. I trust you.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" ~Colossians 3:23

Let me live this verse at work and at home, and take rest in you when I'm exhausted.

this world and the next

I'm in a tug of war between the weight of this world and the weightlessness of heaven. Jesus, you never let me go. I make the mess, and you continually work to lift me out of it...please remind me to raise my hands up daily.
Take away my wants, fill them with your plans for me.
I just want to feel renewed, capable... mold me into the warrior you promised I would be. I know you're in control, you are working me through some of the toughest quests I've had in this life...you answer my prayers! Your goodness and grace baffle me.
You are the only one who never tires of me and always lets me know I'm loved despite me. I give it all to you, my children, my life, my desires..take it all and just take me with you.

sacrifice

Lord,

I'm giving you my Isaac, you can set him on a stone and do as you will, whatever it takes to get back in step with your will...I want to walk where you walk.

Hook you up

Mike says to Cooper who REALLY wants a donut as I'm in the gas station getting donuts..

"Don't worry Cooper Mama's gonna hook you up"

Cooper (upset)- "I don't want mama to hang me on a hook, I want to fall"
Posted by Miles at 11:45 AM 0 comments
the difference between boys and girls

The difference between boys and girls

I'm getting dressed for work the other day and Cooper runs into my room...pauses...and confused... he's staring at my underwear I have on and says "Mom, what happened to your penis?"
Well, I don't have one Cooper...I'm a girl...girls don't have penis'.
Boy was he ever confused.
We went through almost everyone we knew to confirm this new revelation

"Daddy has a penis?"
Yes Cooper , Daddy's a boy; he has a penis
"Zoe?"
No, she's a girl; she has no penis.
"Miles"?
Miles is a boy- penis yes.

The fact that he's been operating with a worldview that all people had penis' is great :)

I did tell him that instead of a penis, girls have vagina's... Darby chimed in at this point...

"I want a vagina!!"

We're just never happy with what we've got are we?