Being Good

Recently someone left me a facebook comment telling me what a good person I was. I have to be completely honest, comments like that make me feel really great for a few seconds and then reality sets in and I start to feel terribly uncomfortable and it stays with me. When someone says something like that to me..."you're a good person Jen" , I start feeling this enormous pressure to keep up with some charade I know I'll ultimately fail at. Why? Because I'm not good, none of us are. Jesus alone is.

I'm not saying we can't all do good things, or that I personally have never done anything good...we all know that we're capable of goodness from time to time. Even Hitler could open a door for a lady every so often and donate to a good cause right? When someone tells me I'm a good person...this weight is put on me that I know I can't bear...so I start to feel like a total and complete fraud...like they just laid this banner that says "good" above my head, and suddenly I have to keep up the appearance so I don't let them down. But I know that I will eventually let someone down.... and now I'll feel like a hypocrite even though I didn't give myself the title. So I'm tearing up the banner right now and making my public confession: I'm not good, and that's why I chose Jesus, He is. If you don't believe I'm not good, ask my husband...or my children, or anyone who's hung around me long enough to know that I fail epically and miserably from time to time.

I intentionally refuse to put my church's sticker on my minivan because I'm a notoriously bad driver. You think my social media is bad for my church's image, you should see my driving. I mean, I'm a good driver, according to my own standards, but a bad driver according to the good rule followers of West Michigan. My mom was a cabdriver in Detroit for many years when I was a kid. She drove like a Detroit cab driver....then she taught me how to drive her stick shift car like a Detroit cab driver when I was 12. Soon after, at age 13, I'd sneak out in her car on days she rode her bike to work and tool around the suburbs of Detroit with my friends. I know I've grown some in this area of driving since I was 13...at least I regularly wear a seat belt now...but, to be honest, it's only because my car beeps at me endlessly if I don't. By west Michigan standards, I'm immediately disqualified from being a good person based on my driving alone. And thats just the tip of the iceberg folks.

When my twins were young and the red flags for autism were popping up...I'd go to the park or and talk to other parents who would often tell me how amazingly brilliant their toddlers were...in advanced placement alphabet and color recognition by age 1, teaching algebra at age 4...self taught readers and prodigys! I'd listen intently but would often be distracted by my kids 10 feet away who were usually eating mulch and dirt or banging their head against something. And I totally get it...I was TOTALLY that parent with my first two kids...my twins just gave me a different reality. So, I just kind of got used to poking fun at ourselves, and completely resting on Jesus for anything good to come of us.

Jesus has been faithful and GOOD to us. All I've done is heavily relied on Him....that's been my part...that's all I bring to the relationship between God and myself, total dependence on Him. My kids are 11 now, we still have a lot to work on. But, today they read beyond their grade level and excel in almost all school subjects. I was recently told they'll likely be put in AP classes in high school, right after I was told one of them was caught with his entire sole of his shoe in his mouth. My goal has always been simple: keep them out of prison and teach them Gods Word. I don't want my kids growing up having to feel like frauds either. They're not always good either. We're all just human. We're capable of doing good things and we're equally capable of totally sucking, and failing, and sinning....and the good news? It's okay- God's not done with us.

I'll be perfect one day, ...but it won't be with my feet planted on this earth, it will be on the other side of Glory. And it definitely will not be due to my awesome resume of goodness....it will be because of Jesus' awesome record of goodness on my behalf. If you want to listen to some of my stories of how God has transformed my heart....please do because He is incredible and His Word humbles us and does continually transform and sanctify us! But, if you're looking to me like I'm the end all poster child for Christianity, please don't, you'll be disappointed, and it won't take long!!! Look past me to the one I'm looking at. He alone is good.

All that to say, please don't ever tell me I'm good...I don't need any self confidence...I need God confidence :) Remind me of how Good God is despite me. I always wince when I hear people say something like "He's a Great man of God"...and I always wish they would instead say "He's a man who serves a GREAT God". Lets lessen the burden on each other, and place it on the one who can bear the weight of the title "Good"- He's not a fraud...He's the real deal. He's the ONLY real deal. Trust in Him today, what are you waiting for?!