I met a Jew

I met a Jew a few weeks ago playing Pickleball in Holland Michigan . He was pretty excited because theres not many of us on the west side of Americas high five here. He was wearing a Winnipeg Jets shirt and had a Long Island accent. He's a NY Jets fan, and his foreign born daughter in law wanted to buy him a shirt for his favorite team...so she got him a Winnipeg Jets shirt. Close enough to the NY Jets, and way funnier. So, Jets and I are chatting and he's overly excited to tell me all these Jew jokes he's been holding in for awhile with no Jew in sight to tell them to. Theres at least 170 mile radius from Holland, Mi before you start routinely running into Jews again...I think Chicago is the closest hotspot. Now Jets is claiming a non-Jew never gets these jokes, so he's abandoned telling them since moving here. So he starts in with this joke about two old Jewish men; Milton and Irv. Its been years since they've seen each other, so they're catching up on each others families. Hows everyone doing and such. Every adult family member Milt asks Irv about from their past has died. Irvs parents, Irvs brother, Irvs wife. One after the other, Milt asks "oh, hows so and so these days?" While Irv reluctantly keeps responding, "oh they actually died" and proceeds to gives Irv the details for each one. When Milt finally begin asking about Irvs kids after a succession of bad news; the safest question one might think, Irv responds "You're gonna laugh, but, they're all dead too." So I'm laughing, because every Jew on the planet can hear their Jewish grandparents voice in this joke. So Jets claims that only a Jew can get this joke. I didn't buy it, so I tested it on a few people over the days that followed. Low and behold, not one giggle, not one smile, ...just a blank stare of horror on what on earth could be so funny about Irvs dead kids. Oy, you goys , you just don't get it. Jets was right. So I'm thinking back to this Thanksgiving dinner my family had years ago at my cousins house near Detroit. I got into this heated debate with my cousins husband Shawn. He was making the assertion that I could no longer claim my Jewish identity because of my belief in Jesus. I go to my first line of defense: "Jesus was Jewish!". It didn't convince him, he still denied me my Jewdom. Now, Shawn is an atheist, but a "cultural" Jew as he claims to be. So they keep Kosher dietary laws in their house, and observe the holidays, but outside their house they can attend a pig roast and eat a pound of bacon, as long as its OUTSIDE their home. All Kosher dietary restrictions only count in their house...its a "culturally" atheist Jewish thing I guess. So my snickers caramel apple salad I brought for Thanksgiving was pitched outside immediately as its ability to be Kosher was cancelled by the presentation of their plattered turkey. An interpretation of Exodus 23:19 "You shall not cook a kid in its mother's milk." forbids my culturally kosher atheist cousins family from allowing us to have "milk", aka "Coolwhip", plated near the meat, aka "Thanksgiving Turkey". So of course, still annoyed that my awesome Caramel Apple salad that I spent time chopping up snicker bars and granny smith apples for is sitting on the front porch for me to take when I leave, I counter his argument with "You don't even believe in God...maybe its YOU who's not Jewish??". So here we are two Jews, a Christ follower and an atheist, arguing over who has more rights to claim their Jewish identity....with no Snickers caramel apple salad to eat to even lighten the mood. This went on for at least 30 minutes. So all these years later, I feel like I've been vindicated in a sense by Jets. He gave the true litmus test to Jewdom in these strange modern days. If you laugh at his jokes; jokes ONLY a Jew would get; then you're a Jew! In your face Shawn, with your cultural atheist Jew nonsense. If I ever get invited to Thanksgiving again, I'm bringing Jets with me as a witness to my Jewishness. And I'm sneaking in that Caramel apple salad. I'll eat the whole thing by myself in Shawns bathroom and defile the whole house. I'll send him the bathroom selfies in the morning.