I lost a Jew

My friend of only five weeks is moving to Connecticut Monday with his family. I'm super happy for them, I really am, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that was sad to see them go so soon.

I was okay the entire day. I played pickle ball for a short while with Billy, said my goodbyes, made him sign his autograph on some obscure piece of paper I grabbed off the front desk of the pickleball club so I didn't have to listen to Cooper lament the entire way home. Cooper had argued with me on the full 25 minute drive down to Holland that he needed to get Billys autograph. I told him, "no one would know who he was, he's just an obscure writer". I didn't want to make Jets head bigger than it already was, but I was on my way out the door and it was a rash last minute ditch to get the kid to shut up. It worked.

The rest of the evening was pretty typical except that my husband killed me in a spontaneous game of rummy we started while the kids got ready for bed. I hate losing....especially to my husband because he's a bigger gloater than I am. I left the kitchen defeated and went upstairs to take a shower. And I started crying like my childhood dog had just died. It hit me how sad I was that my new friend was moving. I thought "what in the world is wrong with me?!" Then It hit me as  hot water hit my head and I stood there balling my eyes out. I'd recently  lost my entire Jewish family and community I'd had my entire life with the death of my grandpa, mom, and stepdad in the span of 8 months . My mom and stepdad were the ones I spoke to the most, but I'd drive to Detroit at least 4/5 times a year and see the rest of my family to catch up. I went through Bar and Bat Mitzvah season with them for their kids. We'd just spent the last 6 months together with the death of my grandpa and mom. I'd spent almost every thanksgiving with them for 41 years.

I knew outside of my mom, stepdad, and grandpa the rest of the family recoiled when i became a Jesus freak in 2008. I was okay with that, I expected it...but we still had some semblance of a relationship. When my mom died, the rest of the family smeared me so they could justify cutting me off completely. I didn't really know what to think or feel about it. I knew what they did was wrong, but I'd heard the aftermath of death had a track record of bringing out the worst in people, and I believed it wasn't who they really were. And if I'm being completely honest, I thought it was a blessing in disguise. There was so much drama emanating from the east side of the state, it released me from all of it.

My mom never disowned me or abhorred me when I became a Jesus freak; if anything we actually had a much closer relationship. My mom witnessed me transform from a messed up ghetto punk hippied out drug dealer to a poor single mom with a string of unhealthy relationships, to a mom of twins with special needs, to a well adjusted and healed human being who miraculously got her shit together and was blessed by God in ways I know I don't deserve....and it blew her away. She talked about it all the time with me. She'd remarked she was going to start reading her bible but would be continually distracted by other things, until Cancer became the dominant thing in her life.

A few years ago, and before cancer came, she had a little bible study she went to in her little neighborhood in Florida she wintered at. When we visited, she was excited to have me go with her. She would tell me stories of how she kept meeting other Jewish believers who would tell her I was right...and she'd say "Yeah, yeah, I know my daughter has been praying for me to meet people like you". But all those things really didn't settle well with the rest of our family members. And my mom hated controversy...so she lived to please them...and that was okay, that was her personality...she wanted to make everyone happy. She probably went to the bible study to make me happy.

In her last few months of life and sick with cancer, my mom dusted off her bible and we'd read passages together through tears...my mom was so scared. But she knew God was speaking to her. My mom gave me the bible from her house which we'd learned, while we were reading it ,belonged to her grandma on her fathers side. My grandpa that had just recently died. The Hebrew bible had never been ready by anyone in our family, it was just my great grandmothers bible passed down. When we dusted it off we found inscriptions from both her and my grandfather from 50 years prior to that exact date we were reading it!. My mom gifted  me the bible because she knew how much I loved Gods Word. I didn't take it because I wanted it to stay with her at her house while she was sick. Before her death, I told my family about some of the ways God was speaking to her using that bible and how we found my grandfathers and grandmothers message of hope written in its pages.  They weren't as excited about it as me, yet went to her house and took the bible after she died telling me I couldn't have it. I never argued for it...Gods Word is  written on my heart.

What I realized, as I sobbed in my bathroom for a friend I'd only met 5 weeks prior to this episode, was that I felt a special kinship with Billy that I'd missed. He felt instantly like both a friend and family. He knew I was one of those weird conservative converted Jews, but he was desperate perhaps, because Jews on the western Michigan Lakeshore are a rare breed. So perhaps it was his desperation to connect with his own community since moving here that created his high tolerance for this avowed Jesus freak and Trump supporting Jew. I don't care either way, I just know I was glad to have his friendship while it lasted, I believe it was a gift from God.

My husband went to the Holland pickleball club this morning without me. He said he ran into the one other Jewish person I met playing pickleball. He stepped on the court with her and she said to him "You know, I told your wife she's not a Jew anymore" and thats all she said. Theres this obsession with Jews trying to take my Jew card away...what IS that?

My five week friend, on the other hand, was over one day while we were ordering some pizza. My guests were questioning my choice of  pizza venue..."Why didn't you choose the place down the road?" I told them "They didn't have a coupon!". Jets instantly recognized the Jew at my core wrapped in the proper layers of Judaic cynicism and topped with the cherry Maga hat. I'll be a card carrying Jew until Jesus calls me home.

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
-Galatians 3:28