A chiropractic hug

I started seeing a chiropractor about six weeks ago for the first time in my life. This chiro doc looks like The full blown Hulk minus the green hue. He's super tan, probably nearly fifty years old, with a slick full headed Quiff cut. He’s a body builder and  I think he won the  Mr. Michigan competition recently. He straight up LOOKS like a WWF contender and it’s terrifying. He comes in this partitioned room as Im laying on this seesaw electric  table face down. The tables clearly  looks like its been used since 1978, the controls on it are old, the black leather padding ripped here and there. It looks like a contraption out of ClockWork Orange. I'm pretty sure he bought his drop tables  on Craigslist from a retired Chiropractor..

 I can't see a thing,. My face is buried in this white disposable table paper off the roll with my foundation smudged all over it which makes me feel like a total grease monkey when I get up to leave five minutes later. He stands over me,takes a deep breath, (I imagine he's rubbing his palms together like he's about to  break a wooden block in half), proceeds to crack my neck in like 400 different places, THEN continues to twist  me up like a pretzel until my whole body sounds like a sheet of bubble wrap getting stomped on.. Its quite terrifying actually. At the end of all that , I stand up ,and he gives me a big hug. Like a full fledged, "bring it in here girl" bear hug.

 The hug really caught me off guard the first time I went. I figured maybe that was just a chiropractor thing? I'd never been to a chiropractor before.  Maybe all chiropractors hug? All I know is my  dentist doesn’t hug me, neither does my Obgyn. So I went home and  asked my husband if any of his doctors hug him. He said no and told me it was super weird that my chiropractor hugs me. I waved him off  like, “maybe he’s just a hugger and he hugs everyone?” I've decided to figure out if this is true. 

 So, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to peek in  on one of the other adjustment areas after he’s done with a patient to see if he hugs them too....I haven’t found a way to do this yet without looking really suspicious. I've tried passing by to go to the bathroom while peeking in, but my timing is always off. If I linger there in the partition doorway too long it becomes really awkward.  So I went to  plan B: intently listening  to hear if I can detect this hug by ear . This  hasn't paid any dividends either . I can’t tell what the heck is going on over there. All I hear is a bunch of popping and "eek sand ah's" and some uncomfortable awkward sounds people make when they're being tortured. It could be a hug or an adjustment, the sounds one makes on the receiving end of both are eerily similar.

So I was so excited when I ran into a friend I haven’t seen in awhile walking into my chiropractor for her  own appointment at the same time as me yesterday. Finally someone I know who also see's him! We both go to our own partitioned rooms. The doctor comes in and nearly breaks me in half,  gives me a bear hug and releases me back into the wild.   I pay my bill and run out to meet my friend in the parking lot as she's heading to her car. So, "Does he hug you?” I ask.   “Oh ya, he’s a hugger...he hugs everyone” she responds. So I thought this was my #metoo moment...turns out it’s not all that it’s “cracked” up to be.